I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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