So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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