so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you win again, gameday.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
