I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
