its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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