Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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