I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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