im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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