What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
