the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
