I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
