One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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