It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
