She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
