She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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