We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Two words: blizzard sex
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
