Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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