maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
