You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Boobs are out for the taking
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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