i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
