get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
