he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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