Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
His nipple licking is glorious
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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