It's just like the Real World with babies
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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