The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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