my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
