I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
