make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
