I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I cut my penus on the lid.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
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i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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