You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
