i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You're like the curious george of whores
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
