I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
