I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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