i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
