what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
