you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
