You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
