The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
