get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
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I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
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Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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