so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
