you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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