You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
