im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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