I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
