I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You made out with two different species that night
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
