U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
It's Friday. Sex?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
