It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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