Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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