I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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