took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Sober January is a disaster.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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