I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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