WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
