just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
