i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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