Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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