i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
