don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Randomize
