What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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