can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
