I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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