fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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