Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
