apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
